An Actor Prepares

1.
Sometimes I feel my life is an embarrassment.B.Russell once said"The first approach to happiness of life is to pick a fine family to be born into",which I totally agree now.
When i stare at my family tree when i was really bored,something looks really obvious-----on my father's side,grandparents were both farmers,and grandpa died just before I was born,while on my maternal side,they were both doctors(in fact they were all doctors except my mother).And among all my uncles and aunts,cousins and other relatives,there is none who has said any mottos to my ear when I was young.Its just a petty and insignificant family.So as I grow older day after day,I feel its not enough for me to realize my dream and guarantee my integrity emerging from such a family education.

So,one day i advanced this opinion to one of my mentors,and he returned thus,"Are you making complaints about your parentage?How do you ascertain what kind of life would be indeed perfect and secured as you observed beside?" I mused for a while,and uttered"I'm not complaining of my destiny,I just feel this is not the kind of life i would be really enthusiastic for.I really hope i could have designed my life for my own penchant,as I was born." He replied,"Everyone has encountered such wishes,but finally you would know god is sheerly fair and square,in some sense."

Really?God,do you know it?do you still remember my prayers?

Seriously,What i'm trying to convey here is not that I'm an aspiring and ambitious guy,nor am I having a lot of daydreams and illusions,but just a guy trying to guarantee his life staying in the fitness and fineness.

As I have observed thus far,one of my largest trouble is that sometimes I tend to be attracted to the same gender,especially when I was younger,as my male sexual instinct had not been woken up.Nevertheless,I still cannot fall in love with girls,I just feel them very adorable and beautiful,but It would make me uncomfortable if they come close to me as i smell the special girls' scent,even my mother and sister's.And this just changes my whole life system as if I always should do something or prepare for something,as if I am not secured in a hidden sense,as if a jew who cant stop feeling insecured when he was visiting a museum of the Second World War.
Besides this,i think my life is mainly tranquil and normal----so thats why i spend so much time unconsciously considering this issue in my leisure time.

I'm pretty sure,albeit this is not the kind of some problems like lacking a leg or being a disabled person,but it just affects me so much and so deep that i just have to face it in the manner of words.And,I hope sometimes i can live in a world just like the debussy's L'Apres midid'un Faune,where nothing be sacrificed in some so-called human cultural process.

2.
Ok,stop here.I think I'm getting a bit cerebral again.Well,this is not what I want as always.I have had enough about all these knowledges,cultures,minds'sports,piano,computer,violin,chess and academic subjects,finesses and nuances----which to be honest i have none professionally good at----though,I'm not bashing all these brilliant things,I just think the modern life is a bit over-cultural and this is not good.

I hope to live a proper life sometimes,and the discovery is not yet.

An athlete?Yes,sport is very important and helpful for a person's health.But living like an animal is not sufficient.
A musician?No,no,no...It would drive me crazy...
A local man or an international man?Its hard to say....Maybe they wont conflict...
A dancer?Yep,a good try.
A pilgrim?No...Religion is dangerous and unconvincing.
A novelist?Yep,a good try.
A farmer?Yes,i miss the time when I was living in country,very good memory!
A swimmer?Very good,but will i be drown?Scary...
An actor?Yes,i think its a good idea...
ETC?ETC....

3.
Once upon a time,I was living a life just like an actor.This conclusion is derived from my reading a book by Stanislavsky----An Actor Prepares(Chinese Version)

Stanislavsky System includes Four Volumes.And AAP ocuppies the second and third volumes.I'm still reading the second volume,but i think i have totally grasped the core and soul of Stanislavsky System.

Actor,in the broad sense,is all about the professional knowledge and practice of conduction and action.I think Art,Science,Practice form the magic of life,and stanislavsky is trying to make the "Actor" a professional in actualizing such magic.

Stanislavsky expressed his materialistic and realistic esthetical opinions about "Real Acting Art"through the form of a novelistic diary----which makes reading so funny and interesting----He criticized severely those artists who dully imitated the outward appearance of the roles instead of putting their real emotions,producing real innermost motif and emotion to behave on the stage.He thinks only by such efforts can a role and a performance be truly impressive and touching.

Stanislavsky also considered actions the most important thing on the stage,including outward and inside parts.And one should think"If I were",and live in the"Prescribed Situation",and learn to imagine actively,and learn to relax one's muscles and nerves(He thinks mental activities are simul connected with the physical activities and muscle fitness.)And he thinks one should train his "Attention Circle"(Large,Middle,Small three styles)converting among different styles in his practical life,and cutting the life course into pieces and regather them,and one should know how to recall the memory of the mood,which is instant but brilliant in stage performance.And He thinks actors are virtually realistic in the heart level,and actors should be smart and free,should be avoiding the reason when acting a role,should be naive as a child,should be credulous and enthusiastic.....

Well,one thing always in my mind,when reading this book,is that,what it puts forward,is also totally applicable to all cases in life,not only on the stage.For every person in their different lives,this book can be indeed helpful----at least,i learnt a lot from it.They say,enthusiasm and naivety are the anima of an actor,I say they are also the anima of a human being.

Its totally fine to conclude that everyone is an actor in their life,because life is sheerly made of actions and activities in a sense.And learning the skills of an actor,just helps one more easily face the different situations in one's life,and more actively making decisions and realize them practically,and more freely and breezily live one'slife,since actors run a special and comfy lifestyle.